Is it bad that...

I have this great friend, Jenn. We've known each other since kindergarden. She's fun to be with although a little out of touch with reality sometimes but I love her for it. She moved about 35 minutes away for school about two years ago and just recently it's been difficult to get together with her like we did before. Now, when we do get together I hear about her new, pretty, awesome friends she has.
Am I jealous? Yes, kind of. It's not like I'm looking for one on one time with her. I don't care how us getting together takes place so long as it does. Instead of her making plans when it's logical and rational.. like.. at least the day before, she calls two hours before and then complains later about me never going out with her. Like it's my fault that I make plans in advance.. I call her and tell her my days off a week or two weeks ahead. I say things like "do you want to--- on Saturday night?" and then I get this answer about 'blah blah I don't know what I'm doing.' It's like she sits around and waits for the best offer and apparently since I'm not the new cool friends, mine never is.
What I'm getting at is...
Friday night.. was awesome. I had my first long island iced tea (that in itself should tell you it was a good night) with some old pals from a past job. We all went swimming until about 3am while boozing it up. Although there were a few awkward moments.. because .. Crystal, a girl I used to work with that is super sweet and I love dearly, is dating a guy, Riley, that used to be a ..um.. -close- friend and he was there. And yes, for those of you whose minds are wondering right now.. it was that kind of close personal friend. He made it known, on various different occasions, that he wanted more of a relationship and I just never really gave a definite answer. Whatever. It's my fault and I know that.. I also know why Crystal always walks around with a smile on her face now. haha Anyway, the point is, I had a spectacular time. The drinking, the swimming, the being with old friends, all of it.
The next day I check my myspace and there's a bulletin from Jenn about how she is so bored and how everyone fell through on a Friday night and that it sucks and so on. I suddenly had this urge to send her a message about my great night. Is it bad that I actually smiled, through my incredible hangover (Thank you Long Island Iced Tea..)? Maybe she doesn't deserve it because she never actually makes plans where she ends up bailing on me.. but then again, she never makes plans with me. It did feel good to see her not sitting it out for a change. After being gone I lost contact with a lot of my friends. Jenn was one of the few that I didn't and I don't want to now when she's only 35minutes down the road but has better friends. I'm not really willing to give up I guess. Am I being persistent or stupid?
Comments Please.

Braces at 21?

So.. I went to the dentist today.. and yesterday. What I was hoping for was some kind of quick fix .. what I found out was I've got to have braces. I'm 21. I don't want braces at 21. If I was going to have them 14-18 would have been a great time. Not now.
They keep saying "it's common now days.. we see more and more people that are 24 or 25, even people in their 40's and 50's, getting braces for the first or second time." and the entire time while they're saying this.. I'm thinking to myself "Where in the hell are these people located? and why have I never seen them?" Personally, I think it's probably because they have decided to become hermits until the horror is over. Something else they aren't considering is that all of those people are probably married so they don't have to worry about trying to impress anyone! The social aspects of it suck and it's incredibly depressing.
Depressing to the point that I'm considering not doing it. I know it's for the overall health of my mouth but have they considered the overall health of my self confidence? I'm starting a new college this fall.. going in with a mouth full of metal should help me make TONS of friends.. not. I'm starting to worry that this could leave some horrific emotional scars since for the next two years I can guarantee that there will be no dates or guys who hit on me in bars. Granted, the outcome may be awesome but is the suffering worth it? I know.. kids do it all the time. Children also make farting noises and are surrounded by others with braces. That's really not the case in college. Most people by my age have this over with and are now sporting blinding magnificent smiles.
I know I should be thankful that my parents are paying for it.. because they're awsome and are able to.. but mostly I'm just upset and depressed over it. I know deep down it's better to just do it and get it over with and spend the rest of my life like the all the other people with perfect smiles.. but I really don't want to.

Still confused.

Maybe the post was right.. Maybe I do need to figure out what I want? I've thought a lot about it and still have no real idea. A companion. Someone to have fun with and be intimate with. Someone to confide in and not be shy with. Maybe I just want someone to make me feel as special as all of my friends seem to feel with their boyfriends?

I guess I could just be shy? Maybe I just read too many romance novels and have my expectations set so high that no one will ever really measure up. Is it possible that I learned too much from other peoples relationships? I never thought that it was possible until I reviewed my life. I watched my sister get burned horribly by a few bad relationships. I'm always the one everyone comes to with their relationship horror stories. I seem to be the one everyone comes to for advice when I have no real experience. Can you really give good advice without having any experience? I apparently seem to since I work as the 'mom' with all of my friends.

I still don't understand. I'm hit on constantly at work.. and I work at a hotel! Maybe I'm not really putting myself out there, since I've never taken any of them up on the offer (they're at a hotel and asking the desk clerk out..I'm sure that will lead to something other than a few too many drinks and getting asked up to their room). I am sorta shy and come across as mildly bitchy sometimes. I suppose those two things alone could ward off guys. Maybe I seem slutty? I don't really wear that much make up and I don't have some huge tits to show off so I don't really think that's the case. Maybe I reek of the 'desperate for someone' scent? I don't know anymore. I'm still baffled by my forever single status.

Oh, and my pictures are totally random.. depending on my mood I just pic one from the ginormous stash I have taken over the last couple of years. A lot of them are from my summers in Alaska. Some are just from being stupid at home or from vacations and some.. are just random pretty things I thought I would share.

Looking for answers..

I recently turned 21. I live in a small town in Tennessee and I spent the last two summers in Alaska. Since I'm starting back to school this fall I'm spending the summer at home (boo) to save up some extra cash. I'm writing this for a reason. Normally, I'm not the kinda"Hey, lets have a look at my personal life!" person but I decided to try something new. So here it is. I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not obese or paper thin. I'm normal. I'm told I'm pretty on a regular basis. What am I doing wrong? I've been on dates. Sure. Apparently I scare them away or they scare me away within the first couple of dates. My friends date. Hell, my best friend dates several guys at once and here I am, freakishly single. I don't understand.
Days before my birthday I had a minor spaz attack. I come in and sit down with my mom and ask, "Am I ugly and I just don't know it? Do you think ugly people know they're ugly? If I had something wrong with me you would tell me right?" I have perfect vision. My mother is looking at me as though I've lost my mind. I continue on, "What's wrong with me? I'm 21 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. If I'm not deformed please tell me what I'm doing wrong."
Am I going to end up 25 years old and have never been in a relationship? I'm not one of those boy-crazy girls or one of those females that thinks they need a man to be complete (thank god, otherwise I'd seriously be screwed) but Lord, you can only handle always being the third wheel, the odd man out, the dateless wonder, the lonely single freak.. for so long. I personally feel I've handled it well thus far.
Maybe it's just me? Maybe it's because some people don't know how to take me sometimes?I'm witty, blunt, and a little outspoken. I'm a little bit of a smart ass but it's all in good fun. I get a tiny bit rowdy when I drink too much and maybe I talk about my family too much, but that's only because I love them. I'm not very forgiving and I can't dance but I have good sides too. I love to hike and read. I'm willing to go anywhere, if I can afford a plane ticket then I will just make the rest of it up as I go. I'm great at encouraging people and getting them to conquer their fears even if it involves me getting on big scary roller coasters that I hate. I love trying new things and I can hold a conversation...
I'm not writing this to get a boyfriend (or even a date) but more so to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I just don't understand.
Thanks for any feedback.