I recently turned 21. I live in a small town in Tennessee and I spent the last two summers in Alaska. Since I'm starting back to school this fall I'm spending the summer at home (boo) to save up some extra cash. I'm writing this for a reason. Normally, I'm not the kinda"Hey, lets have a look at my personal life!" person but I decided to try something new. So here it is. I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not obese or paper thin. I'm normal. I'm told I'm pretty on a regular basis. What am I doing wrong? I've been on dates. Sure. Apparently I scare them away or they scare me away within the first couple of dates. My friends date. Hell, my best friend dates several guys at once and here I am, freakishly single. I don't understand.
Days before my birthday I had a minor spaz attack. I come in and sit down with my mom and ask, "Am I ugly and I just don't know it? Do you think ugly people know they're ugly? If I had something wrong with me you would tell me right?" I have perfect vision. My mother is looking at me as though I've lost my mind. I continue on, "What's wrong with me? I'm 21 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. If I'm not deformed please tell me what I'm doing wrong."
Am I going to end up 25 years old and have never been in a relationship? I'm not one of those boy-crazy girls or one of those females that thinks they need a man to be complete (thank god, otherwise I'd seriously be screwed) but Lord, you can only handle always being the third wheel, the odd man out, the dateless wonder, the lonely single freak.. for so long. I personally feel I've handled it well thus far.
Maybe it's just me? Maybe it's because some people don't know how to take me sometimes?I'm witty, blunt, and a little outspoken. I'm a little bit of a smart ass but it's all in good fun. I get a tiny bit rowdy when I drink too much and maybe I talk about my family too much, but that's only because I love them. I'm not very forgiving and I can't dance but I have good sides too. I love to hike and read. I'm willing to go anywhere, if I can afford a plane ticket then I will just make the rest of it up as I go. I'm great at encouraging people and getting them to conquer their fears even if it involves me getting on big scary roller coasters that I hate. I love trying new things and I can hold a conversation...
I'm not writing this to get a boyfriend (or even a date) but more so to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I just don't understand.
Thanks for any feedback.
Days before my birthday I had a minor spaz attack. I come in and sit down with my mom and ask, "Am I ugly and I just don't know it? Do you think ugly people know they're ugly? If I had something wrong with me you would tell me right?" I have perfect vision. My mother is looking at me as though I've lost my mind. I continue on, "What's wrong with me? I'm 21 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. If I'm not deformed please tell me what I'm doing wrong."
Am I going to end up 25 years old and have never been in a relationship? I'm not one of those boy-crazy girls or one of those females that thinks they need a man to be complete (thank god, otherwise I'd seriously be screwed) but Lord, you can only handle always being the third wheel, the odd man out, the dateless wonder, the lonely single freak.. for so long. I personally feel I've handled it well thus far.
Maybe it's just me? Maybe it's because some people don't know how to take me sometimes?I'm witty, blunt, and a little outspoken. I'm a little bit of a smart ass but it's all in good fun. I get a tiny bit rowdy when I drink too much and maybe I talk about my family too much, but that's only because I love them. I'm not very forgiving and I can't dance but I have good sides too. I love to hike and read. I'm willing to go anywhere, if I can afford a plane ticket then I will just make the rest of it up as I go. I'm great at encouraging people and getting them to conquer their fears even if it involves me getting on big scary roller coasters that I hate. I love trying new things and I can hold a conversation...
I'm not writing this to get a boyfriend (or even a date) but more so to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I just don't understand.
Thanks for any feedback.
1 comment:
From just reading your post, the impression I get, not knowing anything about your past, is that you need to identify what it is you want.
In my experience dating, its pretty easy to find a girlfriend/boyfriend if you're putting yourself out there to do just that. Now, the question of whether or not you're really super into the guy, or just with them because you want sex, don't want to be single, whatever is a harder thing to find.
You sound like you're putting yourself out there, and making social strides. Thats probably the best start you can have. However, it seems as if you want the guy to take charge and like sweep you off your feet and rarely does it work like that. Give and take are really really important when it comes to changing a dating relationship into a couple relationship.
Perhaps next time you meet a good guy that you could date and potentially see as your boyfriend, you let him know what it is you're going for with your life. The worst thing I think that can happen is his outlook on things doesn't match up with yours.
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